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Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!! 
Today when you are looking at your pay-stub, keep in mind that the 48 million people on welfare like you!!
"Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive."
Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.
In the 80's we had Reagan in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no Hope and no Cash...
gave old clothes for Haïti today. It's not much but it's much more helpful than prayers. People in Haïti don't need your useless prayers. They need concrete help!
OK. What genius decided to call it the "Jab" and not the "Hokey Pokey"?
Sure hope this episode of “Celebrity President” ends soon.
oh!!!!! sorryy my smoking is bothering you ?? shut the hell up it's killing me !!!
just heard that they took the gold away from lindsey vonn! they gave it to obama instead since hes gone downhill faster than anyone else!Use
a good deed is when you smoke weed
secretly Ron Burgundy
and Richard Simmons are now friends
If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.
When ever I see a guy type a "<3" I automatically think theyre gay...
I hope you have pet insurance because I'm about to destroy your p*ssy.
LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.
how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Put him on a stage with Tigers!!!
I just read that 44% of high school and college students won't be able to find a summer job due to the economy! Add in the military coming home looking for jobs,and I have no idea what Obama is thinking!
Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry...I cry. When you laugh... I laugh. When you jump out a window... I laugh some more.
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