Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Eventually everything will be offensive and we'll go back to living in caves.

   I will believe corporations are people when Texas executes one

   Uranus was the first planet discovered with a telescope. I didn't know planets had telescopes...

   No bids on Jay Cutler autographed football at charity event. Because he didn't sign it Tom Brady. . .

   Accidentally went grocery shopping hungry and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 6...

   I wanted to put an England flag up outside my house but couldn't find one anywhere, luckily the old french soldier who lives next door gave me his flag and I just painted a red cross on it!

   Dr says my cholesterol count is so high that... I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

   I just deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It's now Hans free

   I wonder how many of the people who don't like that anti religion staus really go to church every Sunday and give atleast 10% of there income to the church. I bet not many

   Farmville......Fishville??? Are you serious??? Just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"......I'll be there:)

   stares at you when you're asleep.

   did you cheat? ... No I opened the book.

   If pink is for Breast cancer, brown should be for colon cancer.

   I think we’ve officially regressed back to medieval peasants. All we do is bake bread, revolt, and avoid plagues

   Google "do a barrel roll" (look at the screen while typing)

   A school in Kentucky is going to start teaching the Bible in the class room.....yea that's great...but I didn't know anyone in Kentucky knew how to read.

   The most stunning thing about Obama's nuclear announcement was that we have a President who can pronounce "nuclear."

   showing his colleagues your profile and they're all laughing at your picture.

   opening a gym called Resolutions in January. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50

   Fine England, you have princes and princesses, but we have OBAMA.......Oh wait.........;)