Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Does a piece of sh*t know it's a piece of sh*t or does it think it's awesome?

   I have met many people who had no clothes.....and I have met a lot of clothes, inside of which there were no people.....

   Forget love and lust, I just want to find someone I can be comfortable with and not have to hold my farts in when I am with them. . .

   I play this awesome drinking game where I take a shot at every red light...and this is why I'm not allowed to adopt children.

   Chances are, if you're just a little bit smart assy, I like you.

   Just when you think you have her, that is when you aren't even close

   I don't Always wear my glasses but when I do I can see properly.

   "I quit" - Ahmad Jauhari Yahya, Group Chief Executive Officer Malaysia Airlines

   Strangers who think it's okay to just have a random chat with me is what's wrong with the world today.

   You all need to listen to Ray Rice cover Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator". Its going to be a bit hit.

   Nice hash-tag Dallas Cowboys, but I do agree, ‪#‎CowboySUK‬! errrr....CowboysUK I mean....

   All my passwords are protected by amnesia...

   They said to dress for the job I want; not the one I have. So now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume.

   if they don't curb these protests, foreign intervention Wil be needed...mostly by Libya, Iran or iraq

   Stock in Vin Diesel just went down.

   Engage your brain before touch the keyboard

   Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.

   Reason # 65 why I hate winter: Water heater is set to 211 because the tap water is 33...

   Stupid Question: Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

   Some couples experience a deep, unconditional love that transcends words and exists as happiness in its purest form. I have that with vodka.