Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I got caught with a booger on my finger. So I put it back in her nose and apologized for disturbing her nap. I'll try again later.

   I prematurely panicked with the hurricane Sandy warnings yesterday and ate my cat....now feeling remorseful.....

   If 2012 does begin to happen we'll just have Kanye interrupt it.

   HA! got the dallas cowboys broadcasting the superbowl. "thats the only way the cowboys can get to the superbowl"

   Alors On Danse.. :)

   when a phone,beeps,vibrates and flashes to tell you it is low on batteries its like a homeless person burning 50 $ bills to show you he's poor

   Thinking of moving to Ohio because of ease of spelling the state. Only three letters to remember.

   Chris Hansen has been caught cheating on his wife, it's a good thing she wasn't underage or that would've been awkward.

   Don't know if anyone heard about this, but Pope Benedict XVI now has a Twitter account. No surprise his first tweet said "Praise our Lord Jesus Christ." Kinda weird that he added the "lol..."

   Thinks that there should be handicapped parking for drunk and stoned people..just saying.

   Q: What should you do if you meet a nympho? A: Thank your lucky stars, and start believing in God.

   if they started putting missing childrens pis on beer cans instead of milk cartons, they'd be found within 15 mins..

   I took my friend Damien (aka C-Brick) to see the premier of the new Planet of the Apes film. He spent most the night signing autographs after the movie....

   Dear Smiley Face, can you take your quote and shove it up where the sun dont smile.

   Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil

   "never on cilantro, but always on thyme."

   Two plus two is five given very large quantities of two.

   If you thought 9/11 was bad, you definitely didn't see 11/9 coming...

   With increased coal production the White House hopes to make steam locomotive travel popular again. Next up, whale oil lamps.

   I gained an hour last weekend. I spent that hour figuring out how to change the clock in my car