Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hotter then a priest on a playground..Bazinga

   everyday I worry my friends are going to find out that I am not so witty and funny and the status wall will come crumbling down

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.

   Side note for the local weatherman if its 95° and feels like 105°.... then guess what dumbass?.. Its 105°

   Hmm, I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque....

   i like it when theres lots of snow on the road it gives the cops an excuse for me to be swerving all over the road when I'm drunk

   drinking music...most easily available drug...:)

   Just in, Angelina Jolie is gonna adopt another child she just came back from SARAJEVO BOSNIA she got a new son MUJO JOLIE PITT.

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   People who say marriage is only between a man and a woman underestimate my love for pizza.

   This climate change stuff is so hilarious...

   "If this is Good Friday, I'd hate to se a Bad one!" ...... Jesus

   Casey Kasem is one of the "Top 40" adults missing in America.

   It's so sad that Leonard Nimoy didn't live long enough to find out what color that dress was.....

   Hey girl! Are you an Apple Watch because you can't seem to do anything without your iPhone.

   My parents never let me play with anything magical or watch anything violent as a kid. I just had family-friendly games trying to figure out who murdered this guy in the library with a wrench.

   Substitute " My ass" for "This girls" on fire and you're welcome Preparation H for your new ad campaign.

   ME: If you could sleep with... SUSAN: JOHNNY DEPP !... ME:...the fan off tonight, that'd be great. SUSAN: ohhhhh...

   My girlfriend just stormed out of an ice cream shop because they ran out of sprinkles, in case you’re wondering if I’m winning at life.