Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm fully clothed and still look hotter than all these h0es dressed like it's 95 degrees

   I'll go back to FB when they replace that "poke" button with a "spank" button.

   Hey ladies complaining about not getting asked out: Don't be so stuck up. Put your number on the men's room wall like the rest of us.

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......

   So, Pope Benedict is resigning. According to Nostradamus....errr the Bible, we only got one Pope left. Lets watch all the hypocrits run to become suddenly pious.

   I ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex..... Now birds keep crashing into my armpits

   Did you know the salt in the ocean is from all the misunderstood sharks, crying, because they just want to cuddle!

   wow danica patrick just got a rubber in the rear end in vegas on tv!

   Nothing says ''I'm a fat a$$ like wearing a T-shirt in the pool!

   WOW!! What a great dream!!! I'll never forget dreaming that me and ..um..um...um...Who was it?? Well, we um, um, um, um.....Oh crap!!!! Forgot it already!!

   If you can't be there for her tears, then don't expect to be around when other parts of her start gushing either...

   Did you ever stop to think that maybe broccoli doesn't like *you* either?

   I parked in a disabled bay in tesco this morning, a bloke shouted "oi what's your disability" I said "tourettes ya c*nt, now feck off":-)

   I coulda sworn Kobe came out of the closet years ago.

   GUILTY: Because you can't abort justice.

   I find it weird that restraining orders don't specify what kind of restraints to use.

   Call me old fashioned, but on some nights there's nothing quite like curling up next to my kindle fire with a good eBook.

   twas the night before Christmas & all through the trailer park, not a creature was stirring, not even a dog's bark (redneck edition)

   If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home...

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. Yeah that'll teach 'em to not mess with you.