Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I came out of the closet while getting dressed this morning, yet, no news story....

   For my wedding anniversary I wanted to make my wife feel special. So I gave her a helmet, some goggles, an egg beater, and a pack of fruit flavoured crayons.

   If you're offended so quickly and don't get sarcasm, it means you have no sense of humour.

   My woman could never work at a fast food place. They make milkshakes there, and milkshakes bring the boys to the yard.

   Paula Deen loves fried chicken but she don't like no dark meat!

   they found the body of the guy who stole all the celebrity's nude photos. Apparently he has been high fived to death.

   I am drawn to people that seek the truth, but avoid those that profess to have found it. Take a hint preachers.

   As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice.

   says learning Linux isn't just easy, it's fun, too! Actual shell commands: "unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; sleep"... ahhh the subtle beauty of UNIX.

   - Ok, so you say I shouldn't drink and drive. I understand that part, but then how the f*#@ am I supposed to get home?

   I going to wear my Pinocchio G-string underwear to bed..... and tell my wife to tell me lies,,,,,,, tell me sweet little lies!!!!!!!...I will let you know how it goes.... LOL :-)

   missing the way things were...where the F is that time machine?

   as seen on TV

   Hey you looney liberal... if that hooker says she'll give you an "Obama" for $20, she means she'll be happy to take a sh!t your face.

   cutting your brakes

   Jury Duty is where the government calls you when they want and says, "Hey Bro, we need you to solve a murder, here's $15.00."

   I hate when my dog stares at me while I'm having sex. That's why I bang him from behind.

   Cain's plan: Nine, nine, nine. OBama's plan: none,none,none.

   making the sun shine

   knows that arguing with you is like running a race in the Special Olympics, you might win but in the end your still a retard.