Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Look. If there's a guy wearing a diamond dog collar in his profile pic, he's got a friend request coming from me. Period.

   Having your hands amputated... You just can't beat it!!

   I was offered a job today.......Al Qaeda need,s a new leader...I had to turn it down ....couldn't get life insurance

   I have just discovered that dictionaries do not contain an entry for the word 'gullible'.

   I don't know about you, but a highlight of my teenagerhood was filling my Dad's Vodka/Whiskey bottle with Water/Apple juice..

   I just made instant coffee in the microwave. I went back in time.

   wondering if Les Miles thinks he should have taken that job at Michigan...

   if alcohold is made from old fruit then I exceed my daily requirements by a long shot

   #AwkwardMoment empty restroom and he comes to the urinal right next to you......(-___-)

   Having a girlfriend who speaks a foreign language you dont understand can be tricky. She could receive a call from her secret lover and talk to him right in your face and you would never have a clue.

   Just woke up from a nap with the WORST taste in my mouth

   I sometimes like to call the Suicide Hotline before having a wank Nothing makes me hornier than a woman begging me not to do it.

   If you want to Learn How to Save & Budget Your Money Ask A Republican Or A Drug Dealer!!!

   ahh yes the 7-11 Big Gulp. How much soda can one person drink???? If I ever get one again I will make sure the bed of my truck is cleaned out and I have a hand dolly to wheel it out of the store..............

   I'd tell you a joke about my p*ssy...but you'd never get it!!!!!!!

   On a ship, Captain Blackmails a girl, “If you dont sleep with me I'll sink the ship” Later, she text her husband, “You must be proud of me, I saved 600 passangers 9 times in 2 days.

   Remember when you were young and you liked to blow bubbles? Well, hes back in town and wants you to give him a call...

   Marriage is like a permanent tattoo, looks awesome on others, you want it too, you feel nervous at first, you get it done and then you are stuck with it.. :P

   :Apparently all the women that can deep throat are sitting in their rooms sexting all day.

   Mirror mirror on the wall, I dont give a shit about seeing snow white and the huntsmen at all.