Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Girls are like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but press the wrong button and you're disconnected

   reportedly "in a relationship" with tiger woods.......

   wants to do it like they do on the discovery channel

   it is so cold here,. that our snowman is begging for a coat.

   My son is on 11 months and can't talk but sometimes I think it's fun to imagine what he would say if he could... like this morning; I imagined him saying "Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster

   ♫ Twatwaffle ♫ is the new ♫ Hot Pocket ♫....sing that next time someone pisses you off and I guarantee you aren't going to be pissed for very long.

   According to this ancestry dot com report, you come from a long line of fools and their money spent on reports

   Be careful if you are driving around DC this week. Lots of key GOPers are throwing their credibility out the window. That sort of thing could damage innocent passersby.

   My tumbleweed is never where I left it.

   Apparently every time I smoke a cigarette in the house my three-year-old son also smokes one. The crafty little kid.

   My coworker sent me an email that said "Meat me in the breakroom." I thought it was a typo until I saw her standing there naked.

   perfect girls are aint real . . Real girls are aint perfect either

   My wedding ring gives me superpowers...not to cheat.

   wqhen the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie....you're a clumsy astronaut

   Caught an ugly couple kissing at Starbucks. So I interrupted & said, 'You're not planning on having kids, are ya? think ahead'

   I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole …. and she was happy with the Thing.

   I tried an experiment last night I took 3 Caffeine Pills and 3 Tylenol PM's to see who would win, ya caffeine won. I been up for 30 hours.

   Girls are not toys. You cant pick them up and drop them whenever you want.

   127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.