Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   2 years ago the creator of redbull died, to this day his eyes are still open.

   I wonder if the serial killers use facebook. Jeffrey Dahmer : "Had a couple friends over for dinner last night"

   I'm drunk and I've got work tomorrow, but on the plus side. I'm having a great conversation with my dog

   She left the mental institution to be with me...I guess you can say she's crazy about me!

   FACT: your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate

   A cop pulled me over last night. I let him off with a warning.

   I don't consider them one night stands. I prefer to call the auditions.

   I'm changing my voicemail to say, "Hi mom. Just text me"

   I once complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean seriously, it's not like he needed them or anything.

   Seeing eye Pit Bulls. They're for rough neighborhoods.

   My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about how childish I am but she didn't know the password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in

   You know what really gets a lady wet?........Rain.

   The more you're human, the less friends you have.

   Lindsey Graham announced he is running for president. Nice to have a Southern Belle in the race.

   "I must make this movie" -- Nic Cage reading a menu

   I just got a back tattoo that says "Sorry kids, pay for your own damn college."

   My stomach is so torn up I'm playing Russian Roulette when I fart.

   Never fake your own death to get out of a relationship with a necropheliac.

   Good luck to all the Hunters this weekend! I've had no luck hunting White Tale all year!

   Even though I finished my test first, I wait for someone else to get up...