Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look without the beer googles.

   Once they learn how to prevent pizza rolls from exploding out molten hot lava, then I'll believe in the ability if science.

   brakes for unicorns.

   I plan to only eat aberdeen angus beef for every meal in January. aberdeen angus beef that has been slain by my hands. my BARE hands!

   An ideal mind is a devil's workshop...mine is a warehouse!

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   Dont sh!t where you eat...A friendly reminder brought to you by The Stop Being A Dumb@ss Association.

   going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!

   as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room ful of rocking chairs.

   if you're gonna be a smart ass, atleast try not to look dumb.

   I'm fed up with my brain remembering crap I'd like to forget and forgetting crap I'd like to remember!

   Spending Christmas in a little town called Red Bud. I'm sure it will be a fine holiday experience.

   Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.

   How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

   haha yeah dude she talks about you all the time . .. . . she hates you..

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   Should I say Thank You when someone tell me *You look good TODAY!!!*?

   I was carring my baby cousin and a dragon fly lands on my shoulder in the parking lot. The shoulder that is also the start button for me to go into scream, panic, and drop everything mode

   Thinks Spiders are incredible. Us humans think we are so smart...Lets try shooting silk outta our butts and see what we could make!

   Do you think P.Diddy ever wakes up feeling like kesha ?