Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Cars these days have so many sensors and rear cameras you gotta work extra hard to run someone over

   You think jumping out of an airplane is dangerous? Pfft…try going to Trader Joe’s when you’re starving to death.

   One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.

   Don't forget to wave smile and wish your neighbors a Merry Christmas who are kind like Facebook friends you might not really know either, but live closer.

   I imagine after the pandemic when people start socializing again Facebook is going to be about as popular as Myspace.

   Trying to pay for a $10 item with a 5 dollar bill and explaining that the bill is double sided

   If you don’t know the right way to bend your knees and lower yourself for exercise purposes then you don’t know squat.

   Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.

   Never judge a clown until you've walked a mile in his shoes!

   If football games begin with a kick-off, why don't hockey games begin with a puck-off?

   The inventor of the helicopter ejection seat has died from severe headache.

   James Woods' agent dropped him, but Scott Baio's agent has already found him a role as a Sandwich Artist at Subway.

   Demi Lovato is doing a remake/cover Amy Whitehouse's REHAB

   What does verizon and a port a pot co. have in common. They both give sh*tty service.

   People spend a fortune on insect proofing their houses and buying fly-spray..then eat in the garden?

   "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember ... *thinking ?!? " Not Twain.

   A Prostitute new to the game was told by her pimp “No sex for the first 7 days..just wanks!” She asked.. “Why only wanks?”..her pimp said.. “Union rules!..you gotta work a week in hand!”

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

   For the ladies that cook bacon in a microwave you aint gone never have a man...

   Other kids grew up watching SpongeBob. I watched The West Wing.