Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Someone I know just had a great great grandchild. That kid comes from a long line of fucl<ers.

   Ladies, If a guy mutes the volume during the Super Bowl when you sit down next to him, you need to do one thing. Marry him.

   driving to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.

   Someone you know will die doing what they loved: Bathing with their toaster.

   I'm going to see to it that Tallmtnman dies from my hands. We don't need raci.sts like him.

   Working on being less of an azz than I was yesterday...baby steps.

   Land of the free, home of the Whopper.

   Looks like everyone has staycation the week 4th of July. Party animals, huh?

   I'm not reading between the lines, I'm reading the lines.

   Happy to say that I'm losing weight like crazy! And if you want to know how I did it logout of Facebook.

   COP: someone's been cutting everyone's christmas lights but not yours ME: I have no idea why a crustacean- I mean person would do that [my pet lobster Susan slowly puts her big pincer behind her back]

   If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.

   All my friends just got fired from the rodeo. It was a real Cowboy boot.

   I wonder if the hats, which were made in China, are infected with the coronavirus?

   ALL STREAMING SERVICES SHOULD BE FREE AT THIS TIME!

   After 32 days of quarantining, I'm officially a f@t cu^ t.

   They say the Ugliest parents make the most beautiful babies .. Damn girl your parents must be Fugly

   Bought some prescribe pills to improve my memory. But I keep forgetting to take them.

   As a mother, I knew one day I would have to deal with the issue of bullying. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and to my fish.

   The mandatory mask rules are preventing fire breathing dragons from defending themselves. Please vote Pro-Dragon.