Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You say mystery bruise, I say you're going to enjoy prison for a very long time.

   Hey dude, Did you know your refrigerator running?... Yeah,, Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates

   Pro Tip: The gorillas at the Cincinnati zoo do not offer babysitting services without being shot by the zoo staff.

   Juice Cleanse Update: I just ate my cat.

   People compare the super bowl to the daytona 500, thats BS people dont watch the race at home for the comericals...

   So in bed last night he says "let's have another one...". I wonder what story he is giving his co - workers today on how he got that black eye?

   Do you know what it feels like to become insane? It's a war between being told who you are and knowing who you are... Which do you think wins?

   Our government are sounding more and more like a GEICO commerical.

   "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen is playing on the radio.....brings back memories of my kick ball days in elementary school, I was a beast.....I coulda been a contender!.

   Thought I put my finger on something good, but its snot.

   hitting balls into the field of dreams...

   Life is not about what you wanna do, it's about what you can do...

   We got rid of Saddam, we got rid of Osama, now lets get rid of Gaddafi!

   I like to consider myself like King Soopers...I too, take pride in the quality of my meat.

   Apparently Imogen Thomas is struggling to launch her pop career. She's been unable to announce any Giggs.

   i have an apt up for grabs furnished and all, the only thing I ask is if you give it back to me after saturday May 21!

   In an effort to save the economy the Government will be downsizing the population. Soon it will begin eliminating all the ugly people. My eyes began to water and my heart dropped when I thought of you, hang in there my friend. Be strong.

   I was on the toilet droppin a deuce, and thought it was epic until CNN had to ruin my personal high with their eathquake kill joy!

   predicts that in the future, everyone famous will have mental health issues which they parade online for our entertainment.

   I was focused on getting a beautiful brunette with a great body. Beer goggles sure do correct tunnel vision.