Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm at that stage of not showering where you develop a sort of detached, clinical interest in how bad you smell and seeing how much worse it can getting.

   all I'm saying is that Left Shark better be in the next Sharknado

   The first rule of "Stupid Status Club" is start your status off with "The first rule of"

   Patience, I'm being creepy as fast as I can.

   should we say 15 more days of WINTER or 15 more days until SPRING ?

   You’re the “she” to my “nanigans”.

   Oh, it'll do more harm than good? That's my specialty.

   Every day I live in fear or becoming an infomercial person. Yesterday I fumbled a jar of cinnamon and cried for three hours.

   Drinking Status: My liver just entered the witness protection program.

   "Dad, will computers become self-aware and take over the world?" "Of course not son, that's why we have women"

   One insomniac, two insomniacs, three insomniacs, let's count all the insomniacs on Facebook.....

   *At Olive Garden*... Waiter: Parmesan cheese, sir?.. Me: I'll tell you when to stop... Waiter:..... Me..... Waiter:..... Me:..... Waiter: Sir *crying* my arm... Me: I'll tell you when.

   Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ♥ LOL JK, I have to pee.

   Camping is the answer. Who cares what the question is.

   Just realized that since Leia is technically a princess and Kylo Ren is her son and Star Wars is owned by Disney....Kylo Ren is literally a Disney prince.

   Question -- Is blowing your HR rep considered to be an ethics violation?

   Well waking up naked, covered in Chex Mix is not how I planned on starting my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.

   I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents house playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool.

   A new study found that the way someone sneezes can say a lot about a person. For example, if they hold their sneeze in, they’re humble. If they cover it, they’re respectful. And if they just sneeze into the air, they’re standing next to you at Golde

   Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.