Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   did any of you guys ever have sex with 2 different women? In the same year?

   Pro Tip: If you serve meth at a party, you don't have to buy food. Serving pot on the other hand has the opposite effect.

   Sorry I ruined your life. I thought you were flirting with me.

   You call it a cry for help, I call it the reason for a ball gag.

   Get out of my glass, and get into my mouth - talking to vodka.

   Kim and Kanye did something today, not sure what, but it was all ove rthe news.

   Having your cake and eating it too is just code for cheating on your diet...or your spouse

   Arkansas is like a pretty bimbo who's a lousy lay. Nice to look at but not very stimulating.

   Breaking up with someone because you told them a joke and they didn't laugh is a good enough reason.

   I have a problem with alcohol. I don't get nearly enough of it.

   I guess that they couldn't 'debug' Grace Hopper this time....

   I don't get angry....I get drunk & plot.

   I'm a problem solver. Tell me your problems and I'll ignore them. Problem solved for me.

   I would watch the movie Lovelace .......but I know it would suck

   "ENGAGEMENT is when a man promises to marry a woman in a few months NOT when a man gives a woman a ring for 5 years, that is WITCHCRAFT!!!"

   I got shrinkage shopping at Five Below

   If you are going to stalk me, at least be cute.

   I'm a connoisseur of bad decisions.

   My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!

   This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.