Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If my life ever flashes before my eyes, it will just be me sitting around crying.

   If I have ever hurt you, angered you or offended you in any way... then Mission Fuccomplished, ain't it?

   Google's self-driving car... 200,000 test miles, countless hours and dollars spent, and where is the first place the blind man drives himself.... Taco Bell!

   Team Edward, Team Jacob, & Team Hey Kid Read Some Anne Rice Already.

   Its a damn pity that when someone says, "Imma get mine," usually they're not talking about a diploma.

   I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught...

   My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an a$$hole.

   Satisfying your ego is not a easy job, you may get pleasure for a time but loneliness for lifetime

   Most priceless thing in my life??? My insanity...it makes everything ok :-)

   What the f needed cutting so urgently that people were running with scissors in the first place?

   I'm not even really looking for a sex partner, just a sex collaborator would be nice.

   That moment when you're having a somewhat serious text with someone and "anything" comes out as "anyTHONG"........damn you, touchscreen.

   Then just repost it! Don't put your name Like you are funny or something!

   Thanks to black ops, I think I have enough knowledge to wipe out an entire city of zombies. just run around ina cirlcle.

   May be we all should start a #RIPCharlieSheen trend. He'd be so drunk, It'll take him a while to realise he is not dead.

   Honesty is free and makes you feel good!

   Man if they really made CHILL PILLS, Id have overdosed by now O_o

   I get my kicks attending random funerals and claiming to be the deceased's oldest son from his other family.

   Everyone on twitter is single, pretending to be single, or about to be single

   Extended forecast = AWESOME!!!