Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Shout out to everyone who ever gave GOD I mean Bishop Eddie Long Stroke money. Your money got put to good use today. I'm sure GOD is proud. Shout out to the Building Fund also. That private bedroom he has in his office must be nice.

   I had to sit on the floor at the airport so I could charge my phone and iPad. This must be what the depression felt like.

   I got so drunk last night I though a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.

   million dollar Idea! !!..Cologne for your balls that activates at the the drop of a sweat.

   Controversy in Tibet... they are naming the first black Dalai Lama, the Dalai Lamar.

   Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.

   U know you living with some white roommates when you see more name labels in the fridge than actual food.

   How come whitening toothpaste doesn't turn your tounge white?

   Liverpool sounds like the most disgusting place in the world to hold a swim meet.

   Why do I have to play 20 questions with the gas pump, before I can pump my gas?

   Are you allowed in Starbucks if your computer is not a Mac? - asking for a white girl

   .Just found out former prez was hospitalized, was he covered by obamacare

   Apprently Screech will stab you to make you screech if you call him "Screech" in a saloon. Now I'm wondering how many Screech fans are in prison who would like to make Screech screech.

   How come the word Flatulance is not Fartulance?

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I own a metro phone Mexican."

   I shot off a flare to get rescued from a bad date, and now everyone in this restaurant is mad at me.

   My girlfriend does this cute lil thing where she pretends like she's not my girlfriend and screams "help me" everytime I open my trunk.

   How much is it to see the therapist? Ma’am, that’s a buffet.

   not sure who is the bigger ahole the guy who uses a blinker and dosent turn or the one who dosent use one and turns.

   OMG can you hear that? Sarah's having sex!!! lol its so loud, like ridiculous, i'm trying to work here for god's sake :)* (Accidently sent to Sarah* the girl having sex)