Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head..

   Just came back from hell I was stuck in the red twisty tube at chuck e cheese....being poked at and laughed at by brats!

   my shadow jus stopped followin me on twitter...he'll be bak, bright days are ahead

   My favorite character on Spongebob Squarepants in the guys that yells "MY LEG!"

   Both Political parties are debating the fault line responsible for today's quake: Democrats says its the Bush's Faultline and the Republicans say its the Obama's Faultline

   sorry that he cheated on his wife, hopes you believe in him again, and wishes these bruises from the 9-iron up his a$$ would heal already!

   You can't spell "culture" without "cult".

   What's the diference between a woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side.

   would rather check her facebook than face her check book

   Men like hot showers. Women like scalding hot showers that cause any man in the shower with them to act like a wussy b*tch about it.

   I throw my Skittles in the air sometimes sayin aaayooo, taste the rainbow!!!

   attempting to cook a blackbean & chicken rice dish but can't see with all the thick black smoke and as for these bloody alarms ringing in my ears, saying that it must smell good, 8 men have just piled out of a red truck are trying to break down my door

   facebook should have a "like" button and a "like omg" for blondes

   's son has been looking for his Nintendo DS for the last month.Last night we found it in the bushes in front of the house.Kids: you can't live with 'em, you can't beat them over the head with their neglected portable gaming systems to teach them a lesson.

   - Thankfull its only blood. Thought I was a tomato!!!

   ☃ 66 ℉ in my home and ☀ 89 ℉ out side my door...Hmmmm Think I will stay on this side of the door today... ヅ

   love me or hate me either way your still.thinking about me

   You don't get to be both a Nazi and a proud American. We literally had a war about this. THE WHOLE WORLD WAS INVOLVED.

   Where's the civil war you morons promised? I'm waiting...

   Gee, I wonder what idiot hired a guy who had to be “terminated in 11 days from a position he was totally in capable of handling.” What kind of moron gives people government jobs that they have no skill set to handle?