Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Me: How much for a wank? Prostitut: $15 Me: Thanks. I don't want one, I just wanted to know how much I was saving every night

   If Nike made condoms, would their advertizing slogan be "Just do her."?

   Spooning can lead to forking.

   Finally able to check off Bucket list #19 - Surf through New York City

   It should be called a vaninja since I never see it.

   Dear Lord, if you can't give me a six pack, at least give this other people a pot-belly...thanks!

   My proctologist examines me using a bomb disposal robot.

   kudos to Lance Armstrong for having the ball to come clean

   I think it's suiting for the letter 'y' to be at the end of the word of each day, it makes you question your days a little. Like why does round pizza come in a square box or why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp?

   Thinking ████████████ 99%

   Alcohol is the cause of some problems and the solution to others.

   a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle here is my....other handle? Great! I've turned into a frickin' sugar bowl!!

   if I win the 265 millon California lottery this week , I am gunna fly to Somalia and collect all the trillons of Dollars I've won from all My DEAD realatives and take over the world !!!

   Q: How was David Copperfield born? A: He escaped from a condom!

   Beauty is in the Eye Of The Beer Holder.

   Now I know exactly why Australians have their own version of " Australian rules football" !!!

   What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam!

   Theres 2 types of people in this world.. People who have been bitten by the Easter Bunny and people who haven't..

   New TSA slogan: "It's not a grope....It's a freedom pat"

   Waking the Dead. One letter away from being the most controversial show on TV.