Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Whenever I ride the the bus I always sit with my eyes closed. I hate seeing pregnant, crippled & old women having to stand.

   Jaden and Justin what a cute couple , One looks like a retarded version of Usher and other one looks like a lesibian looking Alice in Wonderland!!!

   Amid new revelations that Hillary's private email server was located in a restroom, investigation is underway how it was wiped clean.

   I bought an L shaped couch, the sales rep said it was on sale because the L was lower case. I was ok with that.

   Statistics show that 50% of people get tattoes solely for the purpose of diverting attention from their ugliness.

   it aint about obama its about yo mama

   ATTENTION: Miley Cyrus is worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. She probably doesn't care what we think of her.

   I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT, SO I MADE MY COFFEE THIS MORNING WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF WATER.............I GOT HALF WAY TO WORK BEFORE I REALIZED I FORGOT MY CAR!!!

   Build a man a fire, he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

   I met this great woman, I sweet talk her and say all the right things. She says I wish there were more men like you. I sent her a poem and she no longer wants to see me. So much for having feelings. . .

   Jesus save. Passes to Moses. Off Mohammed. He shoots! He SCORES!

   Does Bruce Jenner qualify as a female driver?

   I have Hillary's private e-mail,It goes right to her campaign headquarters. You know, it's hillaryclinton@wallstreet.com

   When life gives you LIMES rearrange the letters until they say SMILE.

   Being single sucks when you know exactly who you want.

   Fellas, if you're wondering if the carpets match the drapes.....there is no carpet.

   if a hot guy is scared to talk to a hot girl, chances are his p enis is baby sized

   Figured I could get both of today's major statuses out of the way today with one word: Snowbama!

   William and Kate want their new baby to have some of Diana's traits, so they put a bonnet on his head.

   If your going to shoot a black kid and claim self defense, make sure you dont lie to the judge, and have $135,000 worth of asset and 2 passports!! Take some bathsalt to the head afterwards if you thinking about it.