Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Doctor, Doctor give me the news I gotta bad case of OBAMA blues.

   I never knew what a sweet dream was.... Until I fell asleep thinking about you...”

   thinks the Winter Olympics would be a lot more interesting if they gave the spectators shotguns and told them to shoot at the skiers! There'd be more speed records that's for darn sure.

   took my son for his swimming lesson and he said `i need a wee` , I said after looking around `sssshhhhh just do it in the water` .... and he did , trouble is he was standing at the pools edge !!

   : After today's announcement, Ricky Martin has also announced he will be pulling out (no pun intended) his No1 Hit Single off the shelves and re-release it as "He Bangs"

   said "See You Next Tuesday" isn't an invitation to meet up

   if a funeral possession is at night, do people drive with their lights off???

   Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

   so I slept on a park bench last night..no hobo

   Just took a dump and thought to myself... What did people do before iPhones? How awkward it must have been reading them huge newspapers.

   Did I accidentally log into the Grand Wizards Facebook profile page this morning?

   - Justin AmatterofsecondswasknownworldwidetobeacompletedoucheBieber.

   named his dog Egypt cause he leave pyramids all around the house.

   OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

   What the f**k's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me

   Why do people look up when they think?

   Benefits of eating dinner while the TV is off: 1. Hearing everyone chew. 2 Hearing the repressed burps, 3, Hearing the "silent" burps.

   And another reason NASCAR sucks....A driver can go the entire season, including "The Chase" portion without winning a race and still with the championship. Lame!

   I admit that condoms protect me from STDs, AIDS and Herpes but sometimes I feel they take their job way too seriously and too far by also protecting me from maximum pleasure!

   There is never a GOOD way to say BYE.