Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Mirror, mirror; on the floor.... Who's got the biggest hemorrhoids of them all?"

   I LOVE JESUS, you don't have to be a bitter atheist about it, I'm just expressing my sentiment with the majority of the people here. I LOVE JESUS

   When looking up Gary Oldman on Google make sure you don't leave out the 'R'..

   Hi. I'm a hot single chick. But I can't be in a relationship because I have to cater to my two lazy, spoiled teenage brats 24/7/365.

   Now wait a minute, y'all This status ain't for everybody?"Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get on out there and “Like” “Like”, I said!"

   So, what has the Queen ever done for us?

   Then God said, “Let there be Internet drama”; and there was Internet drama. And God saw that it was good.

   I hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in my own home.......

   I have watched, line by line, as a picture of a topless girl tries to load through a 28.8k modem onto a pentium II -only to see it fail at nipple level

   if her rims are worth more than her car, she's too hood for you bro

   Baby seal walks in a bar. Bartender: "what'll you have?" Baby Seal: "Anything but a Canadian Club"

   Do any of you ladies have a vagina I can borrow for about 5-10 minutes?

   I'm giving up Religion for lent...

   Scott Walker for President......of Libya!

   a little rusty with my Spanish so I'm gonna go ahead and assume "beunos tardes" means "so long, you f****** retards."

   WARNING:I can change from sweet and innocent to B***H in 3,2 seconds...

   Girls its the summer time please dont walk around here in sandals with hideous feet...thats what you get for wearing Ugly aka UGG Boots lmao

   Meatloaf passed out at another concert, but wouldn't cancel the show. No he won't do that, oh no, he won't do that.

   This status is for all those 20 year girls dressed in their underwear with a private contact email address that keeps wanting me to befriend them on facebook. I am 57 years old and the math says 57 goes into 20 a lot less times than 20 into 20. Denied

   I got 99 freinds on FB and TOM ain't one:D