Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Every time I change my mind, I always have parts left over. Who needs a medulla oblongata, anyway?

   .... Global Warming is just a lot of hot air.

   my family is known for always having diarrhea. I guess it runs in our jeans

   Thank you, St Patrick's Day and Spring Break for proving thats the best way to get through every March is to stay drunk the whole time like the leprechauns.

   The Americans are the only ones in the world that think their elections are actually real . Everybody else just sees different fingers off the same corporate puppet . .

   Oh man, all nation are drunk crazies.

   My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.

   .... If you insist on using illegal Fireworks for the 4th of July this year .... Please make sure you remove the sombrero first.

   Body builder/ figure competitor women do not have the body of a man. They have the face of one.

   I don't play hard to get I play get away from me you creep.

   "Twerking" is in the dictionary but "Fingering" is not. I'm taking this all the way to the Supreme Court.

   I can't believe it's already been a whole year since the world ended.. :(

   I haven't given up hope yet. I still have a Powerball ticket at home that I haven't checked.

   Unless the waitress is hot and with it nobody wants to see a photo of the food you got at the resturant.

   This Year I'm going to spend Valentine's day with my ex...... Box One

   When I said your were an angel, I meant Lucifer.

   A 15 year-old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.

   Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.

   Not to brag, but I'm pretty amazing at smacking asses

   going for shots this morning. the dogs are getting rabies and I'm getting starbucks