Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   there such a thing as a Corned Beef and Cabbage Calzone?

   A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

   There is going to be no easy way to tell my GF that I'm leaving her. Mainly as she's deaf and I don't know sign language.

   I fear your addiction to attention and instant gratification is distracting you from the praise-worthy stuff I'm doing.

   I don't understand why Aardvarks are so special to the Muslims in the middle east.

   Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.

   Scientists in Southampton claim to have created a wonder drug for period pain........... Personally, I use earplugs.

   nothing says happy Easter Jesus like going to a Wal Mart

   I want an app. that tells me if my post sucked,, or my timing did.

   Miley Cyrus' real name is Destiny??? Know we know why she was so good on that pole at the Kids Choice Awards a couple years ago...

   I just saw a commercial with Joan Rivers. Could her real face have been anywhere near as bad as that clown mask she had welded to the front of her head?

   I know I am not the only one who stares at the stuff on the tissue after you blow your nose.

   the weighing scales are crying "b*tch please! I ain't going to lie and go lower"

   How do male civil unions not end with the phrase "I dude"?

   I am funny and I know it.

   Things you despised in your boyfriend or girlfriend while you are dating get magnified 10 times when you get married.

   It's always funny when a basic chick tries to pass herself off as a model.

   No man should own a pair of the ankle socks with the cotton back on the back of them

   Just because I send you to voicemail doesn't mean that I want you to leave me one.

   i tell ya... Its been one hell of a start for 2012...