Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I was going to upload a photo of my biceps but I don't have a wide angle lens

   My boss at the construction site said if I wear my forever lazy suit one more time I'm fired

   Wow...I spend good money on a fencing class and all the while I was hammering nails this dude kept poking me with a sword... I so wanted to slap that bee mask right off his head...

   santa was right when he looked at you and said "ho ho ho"

   Yesterday doesn't exist - Tomorrow never comes - There is only today - Now let these b!tches have it!

   It's all New Orleans Saints day.

   Good grades, enough sleep, a social life...you can only pick two

   Tonight , I will be the Designated Drunk

   I'm not a player, I just tuck a lot. ~Transvestites

   My neighbor called the cops because he thought I was screaming in pain when in fact I was just singing in the shower.

   Having trouble sleeping? How about I tuck you in with this left hook.

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.

   "Business in the front, party in the back" would be a terrible slogan for a medical clinic.

   You are the only person who will see you wearing your novelty boxer shorts.

   Yes, it's Sunday and the weekend is almost over, as time flies when your having fun...I suggest doing something really boring all day long to stretch it out until midnight!

   ive started drinking raw milk. no homo

   I got 98,998 problems, and rounding up numbers is one of them.

   More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly.

   that Magic Mike movie makess me feel so hot! I want that!!

   Your so beautiful I can see you in 3D, yep thats my room number