Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I violently vomit and get overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts whenever I read B EGO's sentimental crap.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most humbling, terrifying, self-reflective moment in a man's life is when he realizes his beautiful daughter is attached to a v@gina.
←Rate | 08-25-2012 09:14 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn’t work out.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 14:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The movie scarface is actually a remake of the 1932 classic movie, scarface! So stop bit*hing about the planned 2014 remake.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wind just blew a plactic bag away from me at this table and down the sidewalk. "That one's on you, Mother Earth."
←Rate | 04-15-2013 13:38 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I like when the girl makes the first move" - Wussy
←Rate | 04-17-2013 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon been a rough week for america...derik jeter is hurt,victor cruz wont sign a deal and psy has a new hit record...how can this get any worse?
←Rate | 04-19-2013 11:11 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Words of Wisdom: Don't cover your mouth when you sneeze. You'll get snot and stuff all over your hands ツ
←Rate | 04-19-2013 12:44 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always wanted to know how long 'forever' was and by looking at some people's relationships, it's around 3 to 4 weeks.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 14:54 by Prince Shawn Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having a funny withdrawal. Someone please post something hilarious soon or I'll have to check into detox
←Rate | 04-29-2013 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid teen mom...There were easier ways of birth control besides The Backdoor. But at least your learned.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 20:54 by Andrew Comments (0)  


   messageicon OMG When you've stalked someone's Facebook or Twitter, (1 million times), then you start talking to them, HOW HARD is it to NOT mention things you've learned from stalking!!!
←Rate | 05-20-2013 16:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roll up to Uhaul store, roll down all the windows, blast "I Like to Move It" until they call the police
←Rate | 06-01-2013 22:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone cook me dinner so I can Instagram a picture of it. It's an emergency.
←Rate | 06-08-2013 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I survived Alberta Flood 2013
←Rate | 06-21-2013 22:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pick my nose like it's going to make me a sandwich afterward.
←Rate | 09-08-2012 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to get a refund for my "DO NOT ARREST THIS MAN" t-shirt.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 10:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm an overachiever when it comes to underachieving in life.
←Rate | 09-23-2012 13:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is now taking way too long to open pages and sh it!!! So the meltdown begins.
←Rate | 09-24-2012 05:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sad news. Morgan Freeman passed away again today. ..This is twice in two months
←Rate | 09-30-2012 17:05 by snotty Comments (0)  



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