Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Go ahead, keep making fun of millennials but you are gonna regret all those karate lessons you bought us

   Anyone knows where I can get some decaffeinated Nambian Covfefe? It's made with 100% confussion.

   Tic toc tic toc tic toc it will soon be MULLER TIME

   The Only Sabbath that matters is Black !

   Just saw a cop pull over a UHaul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.

   Do white supremacists shop on Black Friday?

   Patriots are going to the Superbowl....The NFL is going to assign someone to check Tom Brady's balls throughout the game....don't want that on my resume

   if H( . ) ( . )ters were to become a door to door service... I hope they have to change their name to Kn( . ) ( . )ckers...

   The microwave sent those nudes, not me.

   It's offically summer when white girls start counting the days until pumpkin lattes return to Starbucks.

   Iceland knocked out Britain out of Euro 2016 soccer. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to England since Brexit last Thursday.

   IS says is America elects Hillary the will donate $2 million to the Clinton Foundation and have Bill speak at their next function for another million.

   "Siri, what are the side effects of Marijuana?" I mumble into a Hershey's bar

   set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell

   Not sure that "What's gotten into you?" is the best opening line when you run into a friend that you hadn't seen in a while and is pregnant.

   Flight attendant: Attention everyone. Kenny G is on board he’s agreed to play … Me: *jumps out of airplane*

   My New Years resolution for 2021 is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?

   Find the man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn't care if it's on your legs.

   Sears just called,My Back ordered Leather jacket with tassels is finally in.

   Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?