Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The thing about a woman's smile is not knowing if she's simply happy, or because she can't wait to burn your clothes for replying "k" to her heartfelt text message.

   wondering what his dad meant when he said he should have rolled over and shot me out the window...

   here for your entertainment!

   lying in my lovers arms...ahhh my arms are soo soft

   I throw a dart at my wall calendar to decide what day it is. Thanks to my bad aim, today is Window.

   swaggin', surfin', and clean like dish detergent!

   that most likely, Tito will be handing out more than his usual amount of tissues this weekend.

   wondering why do we even update this crap?

   eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.

   hungry but not for food!!

   with mr bean causing all sorts of tomfoolery

   a little annoyed to see that they sell "Shamwows" at Costco and Zellers...all these years I believed they were NOT SOLD IN STORES!!!

   three sheets to the wind and the platic thingy short of a six pack!

   its kind of fun to do the impossible

   Yeah, come on over we're just pre-gaming for the grocery store.

   I learned to cuss from Too Short.

   Now that I've stopped drinking I don't have much to look forward to but I have a lot more to look back on.

   Bomb Disposal Slogan: All's well as long as it's ticking.

   must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.

   singing to the dark through open eyes