Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Bring a banana peel to a karate fight.

   I just found an onion ring in my French Fries! Best day ever! No wait, I think that's an ear...never mind.

   You know you are hanging with the right person when it feels easy and comfortable.

   I am kind enough to forgive but not stupid enough to forget.

   One day, I'll twirl a can in confidence. You'll see.

   "Continental Breakfast". What is continental with jam, bread and coffee/tea?

   The problem with feelings is WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?

   My heart is saying no but my mind is saying yes. Shhhh, quiet down heart. Let's see where this leads.

   At 2AM tonight it's Daylight Savings or "Drunk Dial Everyone You Know" night as my party buddies like to call it.

   It's all fun and games making fun of me and my fanny pack until you find out there's an ounce of meth in it.

   Mowing the grass on December 1st. Like every year, I'm having a green Christmas.

   If distilleries donated a dollar for every whiskey shot done under an office desk, we could cure cancer by end of business today.

   so many kids give carrots to the reindeer on Christmas & as they're flying you never hear of any droppings hitting a car or a roof.....id like to see that insurance claim

   To connect with Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and end up slipping on it.

   Really busy morning at the office trying to substantiate the hypothesis that the less you work, the less work you attract.

   It's the rule of the life - the prettier the girl - the messier car; kinda a turn on.

   Nothing shows over-familiarity like leaving just your socks on.

   at breakfast this morning, my girlfriend ordered toast instead of biscuits and gravy. I don’t see this working out…

   How have no liquor companies advertised during the Oscars? That's what's keeping us all going!

   When I said I’d give you multiples I meant a test with choices.