Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If Facebook ever shuts down. You'll see people roaming the streets shoving pictures in others faces screaming 'Do you like this!?!?!.. DO YOU!?!?!'

   A good man will send flowers to your office. The perfect man will come to your office, close the blinds and pluck your flower.

   So listen, here's the deal; If I wanna hear about god or religion I'll go to church, otherwise I am only here on Facebook to flirt and hopefully get laid.

   dazed and confused but liking it...

   having an excellent adventure with Bill and Ted

   in your extended dreams

   A president with a MYSPACE?!?! WOW should we really trust this guy?..

   sometimes wishes that life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF

   Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

   Guess who I saw at the gym today..................................................................DEEEZ NUUTS

   Bad friends are like my cum. Sometimes they get in your face. Sometimes they won't get out of your hair....and sometimes they're all up in your a$$!

   Usually when a President has a highway named after him he is already dead. I guess the people of Orlando have ESP?

   Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver

   If a police ever stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?

   11 year old found on plane heading to Rome. Seems the Pope was ordering some take out!

   Every time someone votes for Romney/Ryan, an elderly, minority, lesbian veteran gets punched in the uterus. 

   A group of contradictions is called a “Bible.”

   [Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there

   not the same in person.

   not even supposed to be here today