Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)

   Every kiss begins with K, unless it's forced then it begins with R.

   Today, I went to Walmart to get the latest Grand Theft Auto. The salesgirl didn't know what it was, so I tried to expalin. "It's about a black guy who crashes his car, sleeps with prostitues, and attacks people with a golf club." She came back with Tiger

   I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.

   Fast food places gonna be bumpin today, Happy 4/20 (̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~

   White House admits quid pro quo. This is getting a lot interesting now.

   The morality rate for Covid-19 is 2%. The percentage of g@ys is 4%. You have a greater chance of becoming a mollusk muncher or a pole smoker than dying from the Coronavirus.

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it

   Unfortunately, due to a recent stroke, my friends left side is now completely useless. .. I now refer to it as His feminine side!......jimboleem

   im gonna put a ringtone of a baby crying and put it in a case. Then when it rings I will start punching the bag saying shut up BI*CH!!

   just heard that Harold Camping is the new front running Republican presidential candidate

   I'm a feminist, but not like a "wants to pay my own bills" feminist.

   the reason you get up in the morning <3

   Cats do not make good pets. If you die, your cat will eat you…

   "Bailiff! Why is this evidence covered in chocolate pudding?" Because, your honor, *smiles* The proof is in the- "Get out of my courtroom."

   DEAR SANTA, When you're done with it... Can I have the naughty girl list????

   It's ANYWAY. Not ANYWAYS. Seen the mistake too many times.

   crazy? I was crazy once . . . my friends locked me in a padded room they said I was nuts . . . nuts? squirrels like nuts . . . squirrels are crazy! . . . crazy? I was crazy once . . . my friends locked me in a paddes room they said I was nuts . . .

   Majority of guys mocking the women march are 30-year old virgins who still live in their mum's basement. Most of them will be m asturbating on Valentine's Day and have never seen a live v agina in their pathetic lives.

   Just found out the my emotional support dog is a Hillary Clinton supporter how depressing :)