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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Who needs thr circus when you can go to Walmart. "Our prices are as low as the self esteem of our freaks"
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06-12-2011 18:40
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Monday, quit being such a ba$+ard.
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06-27-2011 12:40
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It has been revealed that Ryan Giggs of Manchester United has been slammin' his brothers wife for 8 years! damn! Talk about brotherly love.
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07-15-2011 14:05
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The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
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07-21-2011 15:06 by
mckibben
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weird. I was playing mini golf and this angry dude from New Zealand offered to carry my putter and kept swatting my wifes camera out of her hand
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07-29-2011 18:09 by
migasjoe
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Aug 1st- today is the beginning of my 12 step program. Step one, get another beer!
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08-01-2011 09:38
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If all roads were straight forward, we'd fall asleep on the wheel.
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09-13-2011 01:12
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My orange phone contract needs to hurry up and end soon - my backup paper cups and string are starting to wear out.
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09-15-2011 03:42
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There are two things a HUMANS can never hide: The fact that he's drunk, and the fact he's in love.
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09-18-2011 14:16 by
@anikethmendonca
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Every since he started "CHECKING IN" on Facebook, Waldo hasn't been that hard to find.
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09-27-2011 20:18 by
Spidey Man
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Poking on Facebook is a way of saying, "I think you are cute and I like you BUT I am a coward"
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10-07-2011 04:27
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The Michigan fans are worse than the Hillary Clinton's supporters on whining when they lose.
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11-27-2016 19:36
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Hi Honey, Can you pick up a six pack of bud, and a taco Bill on your way back from the March....ry
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01-21-2017 23:48
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Cant wait till tomorrow so the Mexican hookers go back to work.
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02-16-2017 15:06
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Hey Bernie and Joe don’t need advice from two old guys wearing Depends. We need TP....
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03-12-2020 19:02 by
Dan
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Arron Hernadez's lawyer: "Hang in there" Arron Hernadez: "will do"
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04-20-2017 07:15
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When she suddenly stop singing while she's bathing, just know she's washing her P*ssy
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09-24-2017 04:26
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Paul Manafort's shell company was called Summerbreeze. I guess that's just more proof that he's been a giant douche-bag all along!
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08-07-2018 21:25 by
YouWho
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The bad news is: An Alligator swallowed your child. The good news is: We're gonna comp you Free Family passes to Disneyworld
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06-16-2016 07:55
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Calling yourself patriotic makes you patriotic the same way calling yourself a neurosurgeon makes you a neurosurgeon....
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08-01-2016 19:59
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