Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I dont need to see the video of what happended on 9/11. I remember it like it was yesterday.

   If you don't want a parking ticket, put your wipers on high.

   Excellent time to become a missing person.

   wearing plastic gloves to prevent any computer viruses

   Why can't the President tackle the real issues? Like mandating all clocks auto-program when there is a time change!

   I don't flirt with women, I flirt with disaster.

   It's great to see somebody change their relationship status on Facebook to 'Married' when they are actually legally married.

   I know people are going to do what they do regardless of what I say I do...and I've come to the conclusion that people are just ignorant!

   After last night, I do believe being pregnant is like your unborn being on Section 8. Where else can they live dirt cheap, eat free food all the while pissing the hell out of the landlord.

   One of the those days where it felt like I was going through a mid 20s crisis. Then I realized I was past my mid 20s and that caused another crisis. On days like this there is only one man I turn to for guidance. Watching ALF

   Remember, if you took all the parking meters downtown and laid them end-to-end, you'd be in jail faster than you can say, "Guinness Book of World Records"

   Funny is grown adults who think they are still in an AOL chat room! haha

   After marriage, sloppy seconds means not licking the cake batter spoon first.

   When you poke someone on facebook, where exactly are you supposed to be poking them ?

   Dear inventor of the double doors, we thank you!........your biggest fans, Fat People

   S/O to the death of Bin Laden!!! Word has it, he was at Bush house eating dinner & choked on a chicken wing!!!

   osama is dead now the remaining is justin beiber

   Thanks to the ac its so cold in my office that even the girls in my nudy calendar are getting T.H.O's

   I have a friend of mine looking for 20 blow up dolls and a bottle of helium.....Release the Rapture!!!

   its always when your writing something important you always run out of sp