Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Any girls out there wanna duck?

   Easy there buddy... Its an email signature, not the hood of a racecar.

   I love when people comment on my winter weather from warm climates... "It's 80 here" and your inside on the Internet? Losers always lose

   Canadian Bacon is just like regular bacon, but it apologizie all the time about not being regular bacon.

   She tried to make me leave the house without my phone charger and that's when I called the cops.

   I've seen several post fight interviews with Floyd Mayweather. I beez wish Mayweather cud beez talking in da propers englis that literates speaks wif. That said. I won't his cash.

   What's the best frosting for urinal cakes?

   So I thought about asking the love of my life to marry me. Chicken Parmesan. . .

   How much for the erotica kit? Sir, that's a package of bacon.

   Some people say I’m condescending, which of course means I look down on people.

   I wash my hands BEFORE I pee because my hands are dirty not my wiener

   wants a Phd in Sarcasm !!

   Just got some Tiger's Blood. Thanks Charlie!

   If you LOL and no one is around, do you make a sound?

   Just when I thought my dream was real... the the wife crawls out of the hole and wants to start talking...

   Bad things come In 3's. First the earthquake, then the hurricane, then the zombies..

   Just watched the MTV VMA's. Was it just me or did Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars look like brothers?

   I've missed you so much, I've dreamt about you night after night. I can't believe I've lived without you, I know we will be together soon....Just 3 more days till college football!

   at least the Notre Dame crowd Evacuated Like A Champion Yesterday

   why is there always, that one person in the group that wants to be a kiss ass! The one, when someone ask "is there any questions" (2 min before its time to go) they wanna ask a question. In your mind all you thinking is "this biotch"!