Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just in time for the Summer, UKIP is set to launch a new range of tents. They're like normal tents but without any poles...

   [writing my first autopsy report].. There was a slight mix-up initially but as it turned out, this guy actually died from an accidental autopsy

   I never heard of Lindsey Graham... Who is she?

   looks like Kermit the frog won't be "bringing home the bacon" anymore...

   [high school reunion] Him: I'm a doctor Her: I'm a lawyer Him: What do you do? Me: PEOPLE VALIDATE ME ON THE INTERNET..

   Derrick Rose of the Chicago Bulls is out with yet another injury. If this had happened earlier in the week, the Pope could have healed him.

   Dramas are for women. Rationnals are for men.

   Black Friday Separating Americans from money they don't really have since 1966.

   If the grass appears to be greener on the other side it's probably because that's where the septic tank is.

   With the holidays, I'd rather check my facebook than face my checkbook...

   Gronk out for season. Ramsey will throw the cheese curls in the air again.

   Unless its your weeding day, nobody wants to see pics of you kissing all over their newsfeed.

   Ladies; Don't forget to text him and ask how his d*ck is today

   500,000 people signed up for Obamacare and the McRib is back... You do the math.

   I will fake love and take full advantage of you .

   Think my wife is a little OCD since whenever I go out with the kids I need to come home with the exact same amount.

   I think I'd be a pretty considerate cannibal, even if I were constipated I wouldn't force your hand.

   I can't wait for the SmokeABowl!

   Anyone who thinks that overweight people are slow moving, may I remind you of how fast Santa Claus knocked out those gift deliveries a little over a month ago?

   Ever been so mad you threw a cat at another cat?