Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Pro tip; If your parents, your boss, and three of your friends invite you to a party at a clinic its a trap.

   1 new message: runs for phone, jumps over sofa, runs a marathon, swims Atlantic ocean, pushes mom out the way. grabs phone...."k" FUUUUUUU!

   Televison is a chewing gum for the eyes ,,!

   Who said nights were for sleep? ― Marilyn Monroe

   throwing fertilizer at people who need to grow up

   Don't you think it's awkward for most teens today getting a "happy mothers day" for their mistake?

   I hate nerds who coverup their answers. Like come on bro lets work together.

   I wish I had a nickel for every time I wanted to sell weed.

   The difference between intelligence & wisdom is simple. An intelligent person knows what to say. A wise person knows IF& WHEN to say it.

   I don't celebrate valentines day.

   Planet Saturn = 7 rings Michael Jordan = 6 rings Kobe Bryant = 5 rings LeBron James = 1 really nice headband

   lam is a religion of peace, and they'll kill your ass to prove it.

   If I have a baby girl..I'm going to name her "Charity" Then I will be able to hold fundraisers in her name...not to mention the tax breaks.

   someone call social services,,,Man city abused man utd

   People keep telling me I'm a dinosaur because I still use a landline telephone. I've been wanting to get rid of it for a good while now but It's really hard because it matches my abacus.

   Why are Halloween costumes so skanky??? Sorry Christmas, "ho ho ho" is now a more appropriate greeting for Halloween...

   There's a serial killer in the house! NORMAL PEOPLE: "Call the police, let's get out of here!" IN MOVIES: "Let's go find him!"

   They say real woman have curves. Well then... the woman sitting in front of me at the theatre is a real, real, real, real, real, real woman.

   I always skip a few slices of bread as a quality control measure in a loaf. This step is to insure freshness.

   u can try to get over me but you never will.