Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   John Gruden took my 4th grade picture to his Great Clips stylist.

   Winners in Arizona and Missouri. The Arizona winner will blow it all on skin lotion, and the Missouri winner will blow it all on having someone prove to them that they actually won.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when you're told to "get your own sandwich".

   your head is so big.......you don't have dreams, you have movies.

   I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.

   Alcohol only kills off the weakest of brain cells

   Breaking: Paula Dean made Riley Cooper a Batch of Fried Chicken to offer support for his Racial slur.

   I love when I post a status and someone copy's and pastes its and I get 4 thousand likes and they get two.

   No mom, you're mad because you're wrong, not because I'm talking back...

   since when did"nom,nom"equate to I ate it and it was very nice ?

   Today I walked up to 4 random couples, told the guy,"She likes it counterclockwise", winked at her then walked away. Screw happy couples.

   Tom and Jerry: The original "1000 Ways to Die."

   Dear Men, Life without Women, would literally be a pain in the as*.

   Before we had Facebook, we had actual friends.

   kinda tired of hearing about it. there's plenty of hotdog and taco stands if you don't like chicken. its all food and we are all allowed freedom of speech. ok jk about the freedom of speech part

   it just me or does it seem like the Olympics have been on for like 10 days straight now???

   You had me at 'gender realignment scars'.

   I think I sprayed too much Febreze on my dog... but my couch and living room carpet smells so dog gone good!

   This "friend" on FB keeps posting pics of herself and her boyfriend making out. Can someone here provide me with an alibi for tomorrow night?

   The speed of a movie loading on Netflix is approximately three sandwiches.