Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   LIE: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.

   I asked my son if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F!

   I promise I won't procrastinate anymore....I'll start tomorrow!

   just saw Eclipse and can't believe it took 3 movies (and 2 actresses) to kill off that b*tch Victoria! And Jacob - get a clue, you stalker!

   that the only reason your EX-bf wants to have you have back is EX w/ an "S" at the beginning.

   anyone want my old toaster oven? It's pretty snazzy…has the pattern of a loaf of Wonder Bread stained on the top of it….they're all the rage ya know…be the first of your friends to own one…at the low…low price of——-> FREE!”

   wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark

   Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a smack upside the head. People who need a smack upside the head affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who needs a smac

   Pass the parcel would work better if there is no prize that way one kid is disappointed but everyone else is happy

   lowered her expectations to the point that they've already been met. <sigh>

   If you read my mind you'll see I'm CRAZY FOR YOU ....

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   getting bored with Dear Diary, oops she means Facebook. Just because facebook asks you "What's on your mind?" doesn't mean you have to answer, if it ask you to jump off a bridge would you do that to?

   thinks Captain Planet and the Planeteers need to go save the Gulf of Mexico.

   I bet him anul if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

   My pants are on the no-fly list.

   Embracing the darkness,killing the light.go on you troubles,i ain't got the time to fight.mayb the yesterday ws wrong,tmrrw wud sure be right.no more shaking up,may however strong be the tide.i close my eyes with a dream.this is misery's final night. . .

   you may be an engineer if you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

   wondering if the Phillys and Blackhawks players wives are not shaving either

   We Need Captain Planet ,Let are Powers Combined