Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   What's Obama's last name again?. I always forget

   Saw a teenager today and I couldn't figure out if it was a boy or a girl. That's our future. Still jerked off to it though.

   I personally do not care if the Toyota's are made in my basement….it is still a Toyota. Toyota is not an American company.

   if it wasn't for the USA all you hosers up there in Canada would be speaking Russian right now...But it was a hell of a game!

   Today's Email: "I moved Bush's new memoir to the crime section at my bookstore".

   I donate .05 cents a day to a local charity. That way whenever someone tells me how great there day was I can say "Yeah, well I donated to charity"

   Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.

   I don't intoxicated and delusional. I get drunk and confident.

   features more cowbell than legally allowed in seven countries

   Lord, please place one hand over my shoulder and the other over my mouth when I'm drunk...thank you...

   Sex appeal is made up of 50% of what you got and 50% of what people think you got.

   ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

   When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

   SFOL #5: Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had.

   not going to college...shes becoming a Burrito Taster!

   There should be one trained bear on each side for special teams plays in football

   going to create his own costume and fight crime

   "Ok, so we're both illiterate. I can't spell love and you can't read it."

   All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

   asked the waitress what she recommended and she said the spinach dip was bangin'. Not quite sure how I feel 'bout that.