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Sorry I lied about being on the pill and now you are connected to me until you die. - WOMEN 
When life knocks you down to your knees, remember that it's the perfect position to pray.
So Casey Kasem is missing, they should get Scoob and the gang to solve this mystery.
Ugly old married women who fight over their male colleagues with all other young women! well done! Your life sucks!
You girls were right about these yoga pants. I have never been more comfortable eating a bucket of chicken.
* He has put his foot in his mouth so often, that his foot bone spurs has transferred to his brain and that is why he can not act rationally.
why is it called hoarding and not stock home syndrome?
I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..
Texas wants to become its own Country. Great we can boost our economy by building a wall around it.
I prefer going to the pub than going to church because the spirits in the pub are real
George Zimmerman is proof that we don't need any more gun control. We need pin-headed vigilante control.
If Adele spent more time on her relationships than eating non-stop at Golden Corral we wouldn't have to listen to her whiney ass songs.
BREAKING NEWS - Obama just won an Oscar for watching a movie!
Today I say a girl riding her bike, I thought to myself what is she doing shouldn't she be in the kitchen?
busy Saving Humanity from the Evil Decepticons
The only reason I want the Bears to win today is so that I can watch them lose in the Super Bowl.
My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, “Big pee pee!” I’m taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.
I found out that Rudy Giuliani was married to his cousin for 14 years. It all makes sense now.
Don't know why the wife gets so disgusted when I go to the bathroom in the shower.If you step on it a few times it won't clog the drain.
At last a new pedophile, sorry I mean Pope has been elected.
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