Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

   awake and sober...WTF?

   I was born a pessimist. My blood type is B negative.

   welcome to britain, where men are men and women are slags!

   WTF! I was about to drink my vodka but it started screaming so I stopped and asked "what's wrong?", it said "you forgot to post a pic of me on your Facebook wall" and slapped me!

   Whether you celebrate Wanksgiving, Yanksgiving, or Spanksgiving be thankful for your hand.

   Apparently one of those 3 wishes he got from "Jeanie" didn't include livong forever....RIP Larry Hagman

   I can't believe people have nerve enough to still be shooting fireworks. They almost caught my Christmas lawn decorations on fire.

   Heard about the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

   g ay athletes are nothing new. Why do you think they call the LPGA "dykes with spikes"??

   I ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex. Now birds keep crashing into my armpits :(

   Two F-words rednecks can't stand: Fire & Fury.

   Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in its first week. "Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

   Bl@ck History Month reminds us that peanut butter was invented by a bl@ck guy... One can only assume "Chunky" was in reference to his white girlfriend.

   Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

   Guy walking through the Olympic Village when a man askd him "are you a Pole Vaulter" the guys says "No I'm a German but how did you know my name was Valter"

   Yo Hologram Tupac, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish but Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time!

   They say men are from mars and women are from Venus, but I'd like to believe men are from earth and women are from earth also.

   My Dr told me I might have that new Chinese disease...Its called Dragon Ass

   The police knocked on my door last night and said my dog had chased someone on a bike... I called Bullcr*p..... My dog doesn't have a bike..