Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Have you ever deleted a "friend?" If so, what was your rationale?

   If your girl gives you a "choice" preceded by an option, the option is really your only choice.

   It Pisses Me Off when people come in my room & don't close the door when they get out.

   I thought I was special until I saw you are now friends with me and 29 other people :(

   so gangsta I dont even use umbrellas when it rains!

   The TSA found what they where looking for in that 95 year old's diaper. Their brains.

   just asked what he felt the moment he pulled the trigger and killed Bin Ladin. His answer was "Recoil"

   What do you get if you cross pms with gps?.... A Bit-h that can find you!

   I don't think I could ever work for Research In Motion (the maker of BlackBerry). How do I tell my parents I got a RIM job?

   Thanks to facebook, I got in touch with my long lost high school crush the other day and set up a meeting. I showed up with my charm and swag turned all the way up only to be disappointed when I found out she had turned into a "bullet I dodged"

   I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you’re going to rob a bank make sure it’s not the one you normally use.

   Election still got you down? It could be worse. You could be a conjoined twin with a g@y brother who has a date and you're the only one with an @$$.

   The moment Steve Bannon tells you to keep your mouth shut is the moment you start yelling as loud as you can.

   I’m tired of people complaining about $7.00 dollars beers, $10.00 dollars parking, and $20.00 dollars cover charge. Don’t like the prices? Stop coming to my house.

   I would like to die by being waterboarded by a soft serve ice cream machine.

   Call me crazy, but I'd rather see a taco truck on every corner than an anti-choice bigot on every Supreme Court seat.

   Redneck word of the day: pistol "I drank so many beers I think I might pistol the sun comes up."

   I kissed with an ohmless girl last night............. There was very little resistance

   So you're Chinese? "Japanese" Sorry..& what a cute litte girl.. "Boy" Oh a boy. Of course.. And I like your pet croc.. "Alligator" I should go..

   What do the Chinese call a 69? Twocanchew