Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   so apparently Pearl Visions "Share the Pairs" event, isn't what you would think...

   I miss those 16.9 oz glass soda bottles this time of year.

   Watching the Today show. I noticed I could'nt understand what was being said. Thought It was me then I realized... That's how Willard Scott talks now.

   ......and remember kids........never trust an air traffic controller

   It's 4:19pm gotta minute?

   ready to have one too many!

   On any given day 15% of the U.S. population is constipated. Here at work that equals 7.9 people. I bet I know who you are by your facial expressions alone

   I smash mirrors, walk under ladders, spill salt & cross paths with black cats. Be afraid... be very, very afraid, its Friday the 13th!!!

   I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

   used to be indecive but now she's not so sure

   Today almost had me pinned to the mat, but then I kneed its balls and now I'm pulling its tights up into its buttcrack.

   i kinda think the nintendo character mario was on drugs...he ate mushrooms & thought turtles were attacking & had to save the princess from the biggest baddest turtle of them all...this is why you dont do shrooms kids

   zombie rule #57 - you cannot armbar a zombie.

   Wats the point of having emergency vehicle  turn the lights on n driving below the speed limit on an empty street! 

   Can someone text me a in & out burger?

   The rather uneasy moment when your ex is hotter than before.

   There's always that one annoying kid that says "Present!" instead of"Here!"

   - I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into good energy with one click on that delete button ........ click , click , click ... GONE :)

   You have to be nuts to be between a guy's legs 24/7.

   Erectile dysfunction starts with small talk.