Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about

   Im the kinda human wreckage that you love

   wondering why he/she is talking in 3rd person, hmmm he/she is still thinking

   looking for a large, orange orb that gives off light, warmth and occasional melanoma. Last seen 7 days ago. Goes by the nickname "sunny." Call 1-800-FREEZING if found.

   dropped my car off for an ice cream paint job, but they messed up and got it CLEAN on the inside and CREAM on the outside. Idiots.

   wondering if ghosts only speak/understand english?

   I made a promise to myself years ago. that as I begin to age considerably...I will keep with me some semblance of fashion. Never when wearing shorts, will I sport black socks and dress shoes..I will try to keep my trousers up to a reasonable height...wh

   WOMAN: A beast created by God to enduce pain upon man for eternity. Bleeds for seven whole days and does not die. Can suck the life out of a man to create smaller evil beast to defend them in court and steal man's hard earned money.

   Friendly Reminder to all: Is "Poke" a Blonde Week! poke ur favorite blonde, or all!

   attempting to work the word "Flagrant" in to my conversations this afternoon as I just like saying it!

   would be a hoarder but I cant find my wallet

   When Bella's Aunt Flo comes to visit, does she have to double up on her feminine protection to keep Eddie from biting her?

   Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?

   Wondering what chickens think frogs taste like.

   I do not have attention deficit disorder. I have what you're saying is boring the sh*t out of me disorder.

   A developer tears down trees and builds houses in the woods. An environmentalist already has a house in the woods.

   wonders how a fine is justified as a predetermined tax for doing something wrong, and yet taxation is accepted as a fine for doing well?

   Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield. Today I feel like the windshield washer fluid and heavy duty windshield wipers cleaning up the mess left in my view.

   The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.