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Am I the only one that sees the irony in Obamacare rolling out and the government shut down happening on the same day?? 
An old lady at my dad's grocery store was mad because the turkeys were small. She asked, "Do you think they'll get bigger right before Thanksgiving? " I said, "No mam." She goes, "Why?" I go, because they're dead."
I just had dead pig and unborn chickens for breakfast!
Dear Chocolate Covered Blueberries, Seriously where have you been all my life? I can see why your big sister Chocolate Covered Cherries has kept you secret all these years. Wow.
What's worse than Greese on Oliva Newton John? Come on Eileen.
Superman dies and Ben Affleck sucks as Batman
Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.
*looks at packaging for Pillsbury Choc Chip Cookies... "May contain raw eggs"... *Rocky theme plays as I squeeze entire tube down my throat
I hope Micheal Sam wins an ESPY for breakout female athlete of the year
I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.
This weekends forecast... Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out
thinks she is FIT! And yes, she is definitely unpretentious!
late but I am the latest
better than normal. i'm abnormal
My heart is on life support and I'm seriously thinking about pulling the plug and collecting the insurance money!
pretty proud of being able to give up Lent for Lent. Didn't think I could make it but with perserverence, I overcame the urges.
So my mom just got her citizenship and she wants to change her name to Bunny!!? WTF. I'm dreading the day when I have to introduce her to my fiance. Mom seriously just keep your 10 letter hard to prounounce Asian name!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
wondering why men cheat on the wifey type for a hoe and when they get the hoe they want the wifey type back
What's love got to do with it.....all I said is I wanted to have sex ;)
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