Funny Status Messages

   I don't really hit women, I'm English, I get my butler to do it.

   I’m going to change my name to Benefits. Now when you add me on Facebook it will say, you are now friends with benefits.

   well the Oscars this year were dominated by the movie Pi....next year, I demand they make a movie named bacon....

   The Defense in this women's football team looks like it has a lot of holes to fill.

   The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

   Grammar: The difference between knowing your s&it and knowing you’re s&it.

   Relationship status ☐ Seeing someone ☐ Not seeing anyone ☐ Your mother is a wh*re ☑ SHUT THE F&CK UP, I'M WATCHING THE BATMAN TRILOGY!

   My girlfriend says she plans to have sex tonight. I sure hope I'm invited.

   Wait now. It's OK to show g a why couples kissing but not a beautiful woman. That's BS!

   The Washington Redskins are temporarily changing their name to the "Washington Football Team", or in other words "WTF".

   Stay tuned for Cardi B's next big hit: "MIPWYTTSI"... (My Itchy Pu$$y Wants Your Tongue To Scratch It.)

   What a great Halloween. Thanks for giving us the night off Covid!

   If you don't make it in Hip Hop, there's always IHOP.

   Reese with her spoon is always ready for cereal.

   Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.

   Just farted so badly Adam Sandler is pitching to buy the rights to make a movie about it.

   Remember, YOU are unique ... just like everyone else.

   Here's a list of my favourite xmas carols.

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .