Funny Status Messages

   Spooning may lead to Forking

   :V (Guy who talks out of one side of his mouth).

   Girls get so weird when you ask them to make a wittle baby in their tum tum... still single

   Manure United 1 - 6 Man City (No prize for guessing who the b!tch was in that match)

   going to murder the most awesomest person alive, but that would be suicide

   They're now putting living celebrities on stamps… finally we can all get a chance to lick Madonna!

   I just watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory everyone is talking about. They should call it I Have No Idea What To Do With A Blonde.

   My wife is like a tree She falls down after being hit repeatedly with an Axe.

   Dear new generation, The Lion King will always be ours, SO BACK OFF B!TCHES. Sincerely, 90s kids.

   I bet crackheads totally misinterpreted the "can you smell what 'The Rock' is cooking, saying.

   If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (

   F"ing Greece is killing the Stock market.. I'm never eating a Gyro or Wearing a Speedo ever again !!!

   Hate group gets permit to protest. Anti hate group does not get permit to protest. But the hate group is the criminals for obeying the law.

   Coronavirus task force, "If someone dies with COVID-19 we are counting that as a COVID-19 death."

   Coronavirus be like: "Fine, you don't want to believe in me? I'll teach you a lesson by removing your current president. That'll learn ya!"

   I end all my sentences with "Just saying.." because ending them with "You Idiot .." would probably be considered offensive.

   thinks if I would have known I was going to be this thirsty this morning I would have drank more last night!!

   Traveled to the future and found out I'm flat-ass broke. Note to future self: Don't sell your boat and Plasma screen. Sell your wife.

   I Never Finish My Eraser Because It Is Either Stolen,Lost,or Cut In Half

   my fish has just drowned