Funny Status Messages

   uhhhh.. usually I have something to wirte. But today, Nada

   There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

   No, it's NOT cute for a guy to call another guy/girl "Bestie".

   When nothing goes right....go left.

   These are my Hammer pants; you can't touch them.

   I wanna get Papa John Pizza Wasted!!!!

   money isn't the key to happiness? then where is the key? hidden in a stupid box somewhere, like in Pirates Of The Caribbean?

   In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man doesn't have to worry about people staring at his patch.

   When I grow up, I wanna be those guys that wipe the sweat off the basketball courts

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   can't believe he got sacked from the calendar factory...All he did was take a day off.

   Your iPhone alarm didn't work? Well, as my great grandfather used to say on his deathbed, shortly before his demise....."too bad."

   The thousands of falling birds in Arkansas gives a whole new meaning to the game Angry Birds!!

   According to Facebook my friend posting she was doing laundry then taking a nap is "Top News".

   ignore me and watch how fast you get cut off and stop existing to me.

   who needs people when you got pizza

   I wonder what gets changed less frequently...the diaper of a crackhead's baby or the filter cartridge in my Brita.

   this upcoming snowstorm will really deflate the patriots balls

   Nobody in the office seems very impressed that I'm wearing Pull-Ups, despite my insistence that they are "big boy" diapers.

   Hi! Welcome to T witter. We're the men and women behind your Facebook friends' funny s tatuses.