Funny Status Messages

   Can you really get everything you want at Alice's Restaurant ? (except for Alice)..

   some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

   did Superfly's family have "jive turkey" yesterday?

   found this pic. on the net. The guys name in the photo was “Mike Litoris”. Oh how he must have been picked on as a child!

   just been cast as the main villian in The Dark Knight Rises.

   hates the soup to meat ratio in a can of soup:(

   "Do I look like a bag, a gadget or a perfume to you?" Stop tagging me if the photo doesn't have my face or my torso or my knee or my... you got what I'm saying

   passing gas on an airplane is like Russian Roulette. You never know when the "deadly one" will hit. Not that I've done it before... I'm just saying...

   I've got a new car, but I only get three miles to the gallon. My teenage son gets the rest!

   The she in all those "that's what she said" jokes.

   running out of time and screaming at the flying monkeys

   My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird a## quiz where he reveals the answer first.

   I once had fake plants in my house, but they died, because I forgot to pretend to water them.

   allergic to wasps and arrogant people.

   marriage is really tough cause you have to deal with feelings....and lawyers

   Common sense isn't common

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   I think all woman should come with a satisfaction guarantee label

   just realised the phrase is "in with hate...out with love" I thought it was the other way....no wonder I have no friends left!

   At the end of the rainbow, there's no pot of gold. It's just cornflakes.